Ella is four now. And she's all about communication. And emotion. Sometimes, the emotion cancels out the communication or skews the communication in such a way that I completely misunderstand my little girl and what motivates her. There have been points in the last several weeks where I've stopped short in the midst of an exchange with her feeling completely at a loss, thinking, "I seriously have no clue where to go from here." So over the last few days, I have been chewing on this thought: What is the key to opening Ella's heart? In the midst of anger or hurt, how do I get through to her? What breaks down the wall? I know what the key ISN'T...that's an easy one. What doesn't work is hugs or kisses. Sometimes she's just not in the mood for that. I know it's not spankings or stern words. That works for a second, but it doesn't really stick and we're back in the same predicament within ten minutes. What I am discovering about my dear Ella is that she is a quality time, connecting kind of person. When I spend lots of time engaged in her sweet games, reading books together, giggling and telling silly stories, she thrives. So with Ella, I'm thinking that its not about getting the key out once the lock is locked, it's about keeping the lock from closing. I'm doing my best dear one. Don't give up on me!
1 comment:
I think most of us don't know how to express our wanting attention or how to ask for that feeling to be understood and loved. Unfortunately crying and throwing a fit doesn't get us anywhere, but I bet if you thought about it you could name 3 people that do the adult version of this story. "Why haven't I seen you? You never come out anymore. We should hang out soon. I miss you."
Don't beat yourself up, communicating is hard. Especially to your child. They are very blessed children, they know it!
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